Alex and Elliot: Inane gchatting on Sunday morning

Alex and I have rooms next to each other. We are approximately 10 feet away however we often communicate via gchat or, if it's important, cell phone. 

 

alexander: what are you doing?

me: this conversation is already over

11:43 AM alexander: the podcast i'm listening to kind of sucks

me: is this a new conversation?

alexander: some woman is talking about creams and cancer and stuff

no...we're continuing the previous conversation

me: that one ended

alexander: not on this side

---

20 minutes

12:04 PM me: unless you have objections you are included on comcast bill for choke and death race

alexander: i don't object

me: who ordered synodoche or someting like that

i don't know what that is

12:05 PM me: synechdoche

alexander: i still don'tknow

12:06 PM me: you are a failure

alexander: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0383028/

me: did you watch pineapple express with me

alexander: no

me: i wonder who did

cory perhaps

alexander: it wasn't me

12:07 PM me: you made that clear earlier

alexander: i wanted to reiterate that point

12:08 PM me: i have no intention of clicking your above link

alexander: you should

12:09 PM me: i know where its going to go and it will not benefit my life

---

16 minutes

12:25 PM me: Biking is boring

 

12:26 PM alexander: you are an idiot

me: so you agree biking is boring

alexander: you only say that because you don't have a bike

no...i disagree

me: i had a bike and i rode it twice

both rides were interrupted by flat tires

alexander: flat tires are exhilerating

me: you know how many flat tires i have had running?

12:27 PM alexander: how many

me: only a biker would ask that

alexander: you've probably had more than you think

me: thats absurd

alexander: biking in the city it kind of scary and anything but boring

12:28 PM me: thats true when i worked in brookline i used to bike to work, that was fun

alexander: and it's fast...much faster than running and therefore much more exciting than running

me: i maintain that fitness biking is boring, unnatural and inconvenient

12:29 PM alexander: on a stationary bike?

me: anything with bike in the word

or bicycle for that matter

alexander: running on a treadmill is boring

me: thats true

alexander: what about bicycle race? that's not boring

12:30 PM me: probably not but fitness/hobby biking does not take place on city streets nor at races usually

me: they wander off down long country highways or some equally idyllic setting

alexander: i fitness bike in the city

12:31 PM alexander: i ride into boston and go up and down beacon hill

you're stereotyping elliot

alexander: stop being a bicycle bigot

me: regardless that doesn't address the other problems

alexander: what other problems

me: the fact is it lacks the attractive simplicity of other forms of exercise

12:32 PM alexander: i disagree

me: thats because you are a moron

alexander: i'm sorry that bicycle is too complex for you

me: a bike is an arbitrary traveling device actually made to simply be efficient

12:33 PM alexander: it's an improvement on running

me: as far as getting somewhere, yes

alexander: and it's lower impact

me: and i have nothing against the occasional communal bike ride

12:34 PM alexander: communal?

me: i didnt want to say family because thats exclusive

alexander: with a community?

me: kyle goes with his apt building around nyc

as a matter of fact

alexander: that's cute

me: agreed

12:35 PM that is still not regular fitness biking

alexander: anyway...i'm not arguing that running is bad...i like running more than cycling

but cycling is not boring

me: i have also added unnatural

and unwieldy, im going to look that word up

12:36 PM not readily handled or managed in use or action, as from size, shape, or weight; awkward; ungainly.

alexander: that's a very good description of you actually

12:37 PM me: agreed

alexander: how is biking unnatural? does it go against gods wishes

me: running, swimming, or even the organized sports like basketball and football have a raw physicality that is simply lacking

alexander: are you bitter because you can't ride a bike?

12:38 PM me: no i have been able to ride a bike in the past and have not

i have in fact used bikes for transportation

more evidence to how much of a pain in the ass bikes are, my coworker received a ticket for running a red light

on his way to work

12:40 PM alexander: have you heard of jaywalking

me: i have never heard of anyone getting a jaywalking ticket no

alexander: maybe not around here

me: also pants always get stuck in the thing and torn

alexander: not if you roll up the leg

me: then it falls down again

alexander: you're just incompetent and can't roll right

12:41 PM me: allston sucks because the residents treat it like (edited for language)

 

 

12:42 PM alexander: you are wrong

it has a transient feel that is exciting

i prefer it

me: thats because you are a poor resident

12:43 PM alexander: do you hate poor people?

me: how is people throwing trash everywhere exciting?

alexander: you never know what's going to happen

someone could throw trash at you

12:44 PM me: i was sitting on our deck and somoene throw a pizza box at a bmw for no apparent reason

alexander: yeah i was there

me: did you do it?

alexander: there was plenty of good reasons for me to do that

the guy in the bmw was smug

he was asking for it

12:45 PM me: actually hewas more of a wimp then smug

alexander: he was smug and then became a wimp*

12:46 PM me: allston is hip though

alexander: this is the most interesting conversation ever..

me: im trying

you are a terrible conversationalist

12:47 PM alexander: there are a lot of cool places...

lots

me: this is a failure

12:48 PM alexander: when i'm typing email i write "got it" a lot. i almost type "go tit" all the thime

me: do you think its possible to find a neighborhood that has allstons excitement but also residents that actually care about the place they live

alexander: no...it's impossible

12:49 PM me: that is a terrible answer from a terrible person

alexander: i hate you

12:50 PM me: if you werent such a useless person you would have had more of a comment

alexander: the conversation is over

me: your life is over

alexander: is that a threat?

i can hear you laughing

me: i am a prophet

i was crying

mourning you

alexander: you're an awful person

me: i don't see how that's relevant

12:51 PM alexander: hold on a second

 

Alex has taken to saying this and then hanging up. Apparently he has taken this phone etiquette to the chat world.